I Want to Do Everything,

Conveniently, this week I bring to you: I want to do everything. So, I do nothing

Funny, I write about procrastination when this post is a day late. HAH. 

Is scheduling out hobbies a normal or mentally healthy practice? I cannot possibly get everything accomplished in a week. I am not just talking about chores, errands, etc., but the non-negotiables that I need to do.

I need days of writing, reading, and drawing. Days of organizing and cleaning (yes, I consider those hobbies because I enjoy them). I need long walks, hours upon hours in the gym, and never leaving out my dedicated time for watching my favorite podcasts. Day after day, cooking and baking. Creating. Writing, and reading, and writing, and reading.  

Not to mention the things I have yet to begin. The hobbies I want to pick up, the time I could spend becoming a “beginner” instead — exhausted, questioning if I will enjoy it once the money has been laid. The blankets, scarves, and sweaters I want to knit. The painting, I have the supplies for but hate to clean up. The jewelry I’d love to create, the pottery I yearn to master, the interior design, and the crafting. The traveling I wish I could do more of. 

It is not procrastination.

I am not lacking motivation, but restraint, lacking isolation to pursue one thing at a time.

The issue being my enthusiasm for life. As I heard someone call it, “a prison of fun”.

I want to do everything, so I do nothing.

I want every life, so I choose none.

I have begun (or am trying to at least) to accept that certain things will always feel unfinished, the never-ending books, writing prompts, and baked good ideas that I want to consume my day, the countries unvisited. A slow acceptance process, that focusing on one thing, doesn’t mean I’m avoiding the others.

Finding meaning in each interest instead of assuming it exists only as a baseline measure of my productivity and motivation.

There’s no conclusion to this because I am still figuring it out. Figuring out that lavish lifestyle of not feeling rushed. Figuring out how to balance it all, a schedule perhaps.

I am not sure how it will work, and as much as I hate this overwhelming feeling that I will never catch up, I am happy to desire so much for myself.

Thankful to have outlets to pursue each day and platforms to express myself with.

Thankful to be overwhelmed by possibility.

After the Ball (1899), Ramon Casas i Carbó — public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.